Sunday, May 9, 2010

NIPTO, Day 91

Ahhhh the heat of the moment. This was written earlier today. When I was angry (see the update after my signature...):  

This isn't actually NIPTO anything. It's just me. And my thoughts. And a couple of verses.

I've been incredibly frustrated today.
Things haven't gone how I want them to. I know that they don't always go the way you want them to, but today has been particularly hard.
It's Mother's Day. I want to do what makes my mom happy. But what I want to do isn't what makes my mom happy.

I'm not going to youth group tonight and that makes me sad. The people at youth group are the ones that get me through the week. And I don't get to see them this week.

I decided to go up to my room and read my Bible a little. I just realized that sometimes, God tells you things you don't want to hear when you read your Bible.

I'm going to be honest. I'm angry right now. And God kinda threw this verse in my face:
Jonah 4:4- But the LORD replied,"Have you any right to be angry?"

No. The answer is no. I've had a bad attitude. I haven't honored my parents like I should have. But I'm angry anyways.

Another verse that popped out at me while I was flipping through the Bible (not the best method of finding something relevant, but God will give it to you if you really need it...)
Lamentations 3:37- Who can speak and have it happen if the Lord has not decreed it?

Puts me in my place. This is happening for a reason. It's what's best for me in the long run. And that's what my parents are trying to tell me. All three of them.

This probably isn't the happy-go-lucky Mother's Day post you were looking for.
I might put up a happy-go-lucky Mother's Day post if I have it in me when I get home. If not: Happy Mother's Day to those moms out there. I love my mom. I really do. I just sometimes get frustrated with her. I guess it's part of being a teenager.

I was thinking that I felt more like a "normal" teenager. Sitting in a corner. Sulking. Messing with my phone. What a sad definition of "normal."

Well. I think it's almost time for us to leave. We're going to my sister's church on campus. They're having a baptism tonight. It should be good... once I get over myself.

Hope you had/have a good day.


UPDATE: Hey. I'm doing better. I'm not angry at anyone besides myself now. And I'm not really angry with myself. More frustrated that I can't seem to kick this thing.
I was selfish. Incredibly so. I wanted to do what I wanted to do, and I wanted to do it now. But that's not how things work. Ever... really.
Chad, the guy who spoke @ h2o tonight (that's the church) talked about remembering. Remembering what God has done for us. I forget a lot. I forget about the sacrifice that set me free. Which is bad. I think that satan got a little bit of a foothold today and I'm still fighting that. Right now, I'm fighting that. I've been doing NIPTO for almost 100 days. I haven't felt that until now really. I've had a couple bad days, but this has been by far the worst. But lots of things have made it better. Like friends who ask if you're doing okay. Friends who don't mind that you burst into tears and they just hug you. And then they tell you if you still have makeup running down your face. Good friends.

I feel kind of selfish doing this, but if you could pray for me, that would be amazing. I would appreciate it a lot.

Today at church, Pastor Mike was talking about how the church needs to be a place where people can come and say "I'm not alright, you're not alright, but that's alright." And I feel like it is. I love my church family so much. They help me through a lot. And I'm oh so very thankful for them!

This isn't the day that I'm on for 100 Days of Holiness. It's actually today's devotional. (Correction: It's actually Friday's devotional, but it was on the homepage and...) But it punched me in the face. As literally as words can. (It wasn't like a book being thrown at me, but it kind of seemed like it.)

We can't control everything that happens in LIFE! Having a good attitude is a choice! How do you react when things don't go the way you want?
Proverbs 3:5
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." 

Thanks for the punch in the face whoever does these devotionals! 

Soooo... I'm getting better. Slowly. But surely. 
Thanks for reading. I'm a pain, I know. =P
You people who read this are awesome! (I have no idea who all of you are, but you're awesome nonetheless!)
Have a good week! I'll be back in the morning... hopefully in a good mood!

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